Science
by trufflemores
Summary: Caitlin concocts an alcohol Barry can get drunk on.


Caitlin hands him a shot glass.

"You know this stuff doesn't work on me, right?" Barry says, downing it in one gulp.

And gasping, hard, because _wow,_ that hits _fast._

"Oh my God," he says, and then he's snickering, because he can't believe, he cannot _believe_ he fell for that. "This isn't actually alcohol, is it?"

"I mean, it's still alcohol, but just at a very highly concentrated form," Caitlin says, all but bouncing in her seat. "Are you feeling it?"

" _Yeah,_ " Barry says, blinking slowly, because the whole world seems sharper and more tangible, the clatter of drinks and laughter of other people somehow _mind-blowingly cool_. "This is so great," he says, standing up and collapsing with a laugh, a belly laugh that goes on even when Cisco and Caitlin pry him off the floor. "Man, that is _good stuff,_ " he says, staring at awe as she puts another one in front of him.

He takes it and downs it in a single swift gulp that has Caitlin saying, "Easy, tiger."

He's shaking his head like a dog because oh God, it still burns, a lot, but once the burn passes he exhales loudly and says, " _Wow._ " Caitlin grins at him; he grins back. "Dude, this is the greatest thing. You are the greatest."

"Hang on," Cisco says.

Barry thinks, _Hanging_ as he looks at Caitlin and tells her, "We're hanging."

"We are," Caitlin agrees, grinning broadly, amused.

Cisco's back with a beaten up game of _Sorry_ and Barry claps him on the back because: " _Yes,_ that's the _stuff_. Let's do it. I will kick your ass."

"Bring it on, wonder boy," Cisco says, finding room for himself on Barry's other side and the bar is kind of crowded and hot but damn if it isn't awesome.

Fifteen minutes into the game he's chanting, "Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin," because he's out of booze and Caitlin refuses to give him anymore, but she and Cisco are still pushing forward and he sneaks sips of their shots when he thinks they aren't looking.

"Wow, that is awful," he tells Cisco, squinting because, "that might actually be the worst thing I have ever had in my mouth."

"You're supposed to suck the lemon afterward," Cisco saying, shoving a lemon slice in his mouth, and he obliges, dropping it in an empty shot glass when he's done and pounding the table lightly when it's Caitlin's turn to roll.

"Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin."

She loses, and Cisco's still crowing about it as they down the rest of their shots – and they're only at one each and need to _get on his_ level – but then they start another round and Caitlin pulls another small bottle of super-alcohol from her bag, refilling two shot glasses.

"Pace yourself," she tells him, and he's nodding and tucking his arms around her waist for a hug because she is _brilliant_ and he loves her _so much_ and how could he ever replace her?

Swaying lightly against her back, feeling the pleasant contours of her body against him, he says, "You are so soft." Mystified, he asks, "What do girls wear that makes them so soft?"

"It's called moisturizer, sweetheart," Caitlin tells him, reaching up to pat his cheek before rolling the dice.

He holds onto her as they start to play, and she's very warm and he is, too, and it's sort of great, feeling her laugh, being able to smell her hair.

"Are you sure you didn't overdo it?" Cisco asks, amused, and Barry wants in on it so he grins and polishes off Cisco's shot because there's a joke here that he's missing and maybe more alcohol will fix it. "Dude, _lemon_ ," Cisco reminds him, shoving another slice in his mouth, and he has to reach up to pry it out, making a face.

"This is," he says, very seriously, "the worst taste I have ever had in my mouth."

"Clearly you've never had a swirlie," Cisco says sourly, finishing off a shot.

Barry beams. "Our toilet water is actually purer than most drinking water in third world countries," he explains, taking his spin and another sip of a shot when it lands wrong. "One of the uses of the particle accelerator is to harness energy in a much more efficient way. Amazing drinking water for everyone!"

"Except the accelerator sort of went _kaboom_ ," Cisco reminds him, miming an explosion with his hands.

"We can build another one," Barry muses, swaying lightly against Caitlin. "Do it right this time. No more thunderstorm. No more explosion." Then, grinning broadly, he adds, "Even if it goes wrong, think about what happened. I became _the Fl—_ "

Caitlin nails him in the solar plexus and he groans, stepping away and doubling over. "And we are done drinking," Caitlin says lightly, while Cisco offers him a consolatory pat on the back as he coughs.

"You don't take any prisoners," he manages, eyes watering.

"Nope," Caitlin replies, getting up. "You'll thank me later."

"Somehow I really doubt that," he breathes.

Walking is way more exciting when the ground pitches beneath him like the deck of a ship, so he holds onto Cisco as they walk outside, the air _breathtakingly_ cool compared to the heat of the bar. It doesn't do much for him; he's still telling them, "Guys, hey, guys, guess what? Guess what? I know this song." and singing _Summer Lovin', Had me a blast_ while Caitlin blushes _furiously_ , her whole face just goes red and he really wishes he had a camera.

A long walk and a couple flights of stairs (and he only trips twice, which he's proud of) brings them to Caitlin's apartment, and he knows it's Caitlin because Cisco's place would be wilder, more _Cisco._

Still, it's hard to be a fair judge when: "Wow, it is so dark."

Cisco flicks the lights on and Barry can't help himself. "Did you know they harnessed electricity for power in the _1800s_? True story."

"And he somehow manages to be even dorkier than he is normally," Cisco says, guiding him to the sole couch in the room.

Barry sits down heavily in the middle of it and looks up at them, beaming. "This is so great. Where are all the lasers?"

"There are no lasers; just a couple cats," Caitlin tells him, setting her bag aside and looking relaxed and he's so glad because she's _amazing_.

Looking up at the two of them, he claps his hands, knees bouncing in excitement. "Are we gonna play charades?" he asks.

"Better," Cisco says, folding himself on the floor and Barry thinks it looks like fun so he does the same thing, except it isn't quite as neat, he's got longer legs and arms than Cisco, so he settles for hugging his knees against his chest, grinning at him. Caitlin follows suit, sitting next to Cisco with her legs stretched out, resting on her hands.

"We are going to sit here—"

"Okay." He read somewhere that active listening is important, and Cisco's important, too, and it's more fun that way anyway.

"—and I am going to call someone."

"Okay."

"And you are going to say hi."

He's practically giddy with excitement. "It's Joe, isn't it? Oh man, oh man, oh man. Okay. I'm ready." Rubbing his hands together quickly, he tries to think of what to say, scarcely able to contain his excitement; prank calls are _so great._

Cisco dials, passing him the phone, and at the first inquisitive 'What did you break now?', Barry says loudly, "Hey buddy!" Then, giggling, he adds, "Oh my God, you're not Joe!"

" _Last I checked, no,_ " Oliver Queen – _the_ Oliver Queen – replies, and his voice is kind of static-y and Barry thinks _is he on speaker?_ but it's pretty great, the more the merrier. " _How drunk are you?_ "

"I'm not drunk," Barry says. "I'm a ten."

" _On a scale of one to ten?_ "

"Uh, _eleven,_ you asshole," Barry replies.

Cisco snorts a laugh, Caitlin elbowing him as her phone records, and that's so nice, it's good to have records of things, it's like, a tangible memory and he wants to remember this feeling _forever._

" _You know, you're kind of a lightweight,_ " Oliver says, and Barry doesn't know what that is but it sounds offensive.

So he huffs, affronted. "I am not. I'm a . . . heavyweight. The heaviest."

" _Uh huh._ "

Barry's pouting because Oliver isn't buying into it, he can totally hear his smirk. "I can also run. Really fast."

" _Really._ "

"Uh huh. Like, I can run. On water. Without waterskis."

" _Fascinating._ "

"I mean, _I_ can't run fast," he amends. "The Flash can." Lowering his voice, he whispers, "But I'm the Flash."

" _I had no idea._ "

"It's true," Barry says, and he wonders how long it would take to run to Starling City to prove it because he loves winning a bet, but his vibrations must give him away because Caitlin pushes him lightly with a foot and he sighs. "But I can't tonight. I'm having drinks." He's pouting, but honestly, drinks are so great, and, "You need to have drinks with us."

" _I think I'll pass._ "

"Oliver," Barry says, pouting. "This is like, the coolest thing since quantum mechanics."

" _Which I still don't understand._ "

"Me either," Barry admits, "but you should still have drinks with us."

" _I'll think about it,_ " Oliver says at last.

Barry grins, and he's giggling like a kid because he might have drinks with _Oliver Queen,_ and if that isn't the coolest shit ever he doesn't know what is. "That's so great."

" _It's not a promise,_ " Oliver reminds him.

"That's okay," Barry says, and it is, and he's about to tell Oliver how _great_ he is, how stellar and wonderful and awesome he is—

And then the hangover hits him. "Oh, God," he groans, burying his face in his knees. "Oh, fuck."

" _You okay?_ "

"No," Barry groans. "Holy shit."

"And that's our cue," Cisco says sadly. "Say goodbye, Barry."

"Goodbye, Barry," Barry replies, holding his head, hunched over his knees, while Oliver chuckles and echoes the sentiment before Cisco hangs up for him. "I think my head is actually going to explode," Barry says while Caitlin rubs his back soothingly. "Or my stomach. Probably both."

"Luckily, that isn't possible," Caitlin assures him. "Although you probably should have stayed with just two drinks on your first try."

Barry doesn't have the strength or fortitude to nod, so he settles on another soft groan.

"Did you have fun?" Cisco asks, hip-checking him as he slides down on the floor next to him.

"No," Barry groans.

The sentiment shifts once the worst of it passes, though, and he lifts his head foggily to see Cisco and Caitlin playing a nearly silent but very heated game of cards.

"Deal me a hand," he says.

"Sure you're up to numbers yet?"

Barry looks at the cards, changes his mind, and says, "I'm on Cisco's team."

"Awesome," Cisco replies, and Barry doesn't really _do_ much, but it's still nice to be on a team.

And, hey, even if they're mean, they're also kind of wonderful, too.

Not everyone would put the true power of science to good use to make alcohol potent enough for a superhero, but that's just the sort of nerds they are, and he kind of loves them for it.


End file.
